another post after 3 months

Today was the worst day I've had in a really long time. Actually, my DAY was great. my evening and night, not so much. I've realized that the person who I thought was my best friend is obviously not. It seems I don't have a best friend. Or any "real" friends for that matter. The person I'm closest to (besides the obvious "my parents") is my dual credit English teacher. Sad, right? I don't have any friends that I can just randomly show up on their doorstep and hang out. I have no place to go if I decide that I get tired of being at home (which was really unfortunate today). I'm much more of a loner than I previously thought. Even people that I've met at camp and we swore we would be friends forever don't bother to keep in touch with me. I'm alone. and I'm freaking sick of it. I'm tired of feeling like a loner and feeling like I don't belong. The loneliness isn't so much of a pain as it is a slow-moving cloud of dense fog (and I actually really love fog and cloudy weather, but I'm using a simile that everyone will understand) that slowly suffocates. I'm stuck with no way to see how I can possibly get out. I'm lost in this sea of blinding gray with no help or direction to guide me. And this loneliness, it leaves a bitter taste on my tongue. I fear that it will turn me bitter because I have no one to turn to when things get tough. Even though right now I'm hating my life, I've never considered suicide, so don't worry about that. I don't see the point in killing myself, and honestly, I couldn't take the pain. I often wonder if anyone would really miss me when I'm gone, but I don't care to take my own life. I just want a true friend. Is that too much to ask for?