Failures

You ever feel like you're not good enough? Like you can only have so much good in your life before something has to come along and make you miserable again? I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Every time I get too happy something happens where I realized that I fucked up. And the happier I get the bigger the fuck ups have been. Lately I've been thinking about cutting ties with all my friends (or at least 95% of them). It seems the more friends I have the more things go wrong. The more I'm screwing up and can't do anything right.

Right now, for example. I guess life has been too great for too long because something happened and it's my biggest fuck up yet. The only way I can see to fix it is to stop hanging out with people all together. The only way I can not screw things up is if I don't talk to anyone, so maybe it's time to go back to middle school days where I had no friends, but this time do it intentionally.

If no one's close to me I can't screw things up, right? Maybe I'm supposed to be a loner. Maybe this is is whatever higher power is up there's way of telling me that I shouldn't talk to people. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. Maybe some people aren't supposed to have friends. Maybe that's just how life is supposed to be.

The Power of Positivity

So I started a new blog today. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and meditation the past few months, and after a lot of thinking, I realized that I'm really negative and I want to change that. I'm documenting my journey here. I'll try to update weekly at the least. Maybe every couple days if I can. I know the first post is really long, but bear with me. The should get shorter as they go (if I remember to update regularly). So this is me trying to be held accountable for a change that I've wanted to make for a while.