You ever feel like you're not good enough? Like you can only have so much good in your life before something has to come along and make you miserable again? I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Every time I get too happy something happens where I realized that I fucked up. And the happier I get the bigger the fuck ups have been. Lately I've been thinking about cutting ties with all my friends (or at least 95% of them). It seems the more friends I have the more things go wrong. The more I'm screwing up and can't do anything right.
Right now, for example. I guess life has been too great for too long because something happened and it's my biggest fuck up yet. The only way I can see to fix it is to stop hanging out with people all together. The only way I can not screw things up is if I don't talk to anyone, so maybe it's time to go back to middle school days where I had no friends, but this time do it intentionally.
If no one's close to me I can't screw things up, right? Maybe I'm supposed to be a loner. Maybe this is is whatever higher power is up there's way of telling me that I shouldn't talk to people. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. Maybe some people aren't supposed to have friends. Maybe that's just how life is supposed to be.
